Cancer survivors on the emotional roller coaster

Having experienced my wife’s diagnosis of breast cancer (doom and gloom scary), her mastectomy (pain for a few days), her chemotherapy (slow death, hoping it kills the cancer cells faster than it kills her), and her radiation treatments, I thought her life (and mine) might return to normal after a year or so of cancer-clear checks. Boy, was I wrong.

A cancer survivor’s life is never the same as it was pre-cancer, and not just because of the physical effects of surgery and chemo.

After every mammogram (and there are a lot more of them after a breast cancer diagnosis), there’s the anxious wait for the possible dreaded phone call requesting a return for some more detailed x-rays. And if that call comes, up pop all the fears—might she have to go through the whole treatment regimen again.

We feel like we’ve been through that in spades. About eight months ago she got that dreaded follow-up call to a routine mammogram, “Come back in for a more detailed digital mammogram.” That led to a conclusion there was a small spot, probably a calcification, in her breast, but a needle-core-biopsy should be done. The anxiety of the unknown returned. Was it cancer or benign?

Now, consider the difficulty of pushing a needle through a 1 mm spot in 3-D space guided only by 2-D pictures. The radiologist was unsuccessful, and recommended a surgical biopsy. A few weeks later, just before the surgery, another digital mammogram was done, and two radiologists agreed they couldn’t see anything to remove. So we were left in a quandary: was it a false positive that started the whole thing, or a false negative that there was nothing to remove. The final decision was to wait six months and do another mammogram.

A few days ago she had that six-month return visit for a mammogram, and began the subsequent anxious wondering if she would get a call to return. She did, and so we were on the emotional roller-coaster again, rushing down the hill of anxiety towards the pit of despair.

Thankfully, after several x-rays and a sonogram on the return visit, her very thorough radiologist recommended sitting tight and having another follow-up in six months. Emotions stabilized; life is good.

But in six months—maybe we’ll have to get back on the roller-coaster.